Obama awards DeGeneres Medal of Freedom, Pence snatches it in his talons


Vice president-elect Mike Pence has been very open about being anti-LGBT since being chosen as Trump’s running mate in mid-July. Many thought he was just another harmless homophobic conservative. However, due to recent acts against prominent members of the LGBT community, people are beginning to take him seriously.

The most recent example of this behavior was his surprise appearance at the Medal of Freedom Award Ceremony.

“He quite literally swooped down and snatched the medal right out of my hands,” award recipient Ellen DeGeneres said. “It was unbelievable to me that someone could have so much hate for me when all they know about me is that I’m a lesbian. Also, those claws were fucking insane!”

After this event occurred, many other prominent LGBT celebrities revealed similar encounters where Pence expressed his dislike for their sexual orientation.

“I barely got through the first chord of ‘Elton’s Song’ at my most recent concert and I looked up and saw his menacingly privileged face soaring above the crowd,” Elton John said. “Before I could react, Pence snatched the bedazzled pink glasses right off my face, screeching ‘Gay’s not the way!’ I thought I’d be safe in America, but apparently not.”

“I was sunbathing on the beach, and I left my towel alone for one second. Came back and the name ‘Bruce’ was written in bird feces all over the towel,” Caitlin Jenner said.

“I woke up one morning and discovered a nest had been built in my hair. The nest contained five eggs that spelled out ‘The Real Veep Was Here,’” Julia Louis-Dreyfus said. “First of all, I don’t think an actual human being would do this to another. Second, I ain’t even gay. I’m just a powerful straight woman.”

This increasing outrage has sparked even more controversy surrounding the Trump administration, and has led many pro-LGBT Americans to worry about what would happen if Pence became president.

“I don’t want Americans to worry. Everything I’m doing is to protect American parents and their children from the liberal poison that is homosexuality,” Pence said.

He then jumped off his perch, tore through a rainbow flag, and soared off into the distance.


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