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Trump to reopen power plants with coal received for Christmas

During his campaign, President-Elect Donald Trump made the promise to bring back America’s coal industry from its recent decline caused by an increase in renewable energy. Every major news outlet claimed that it would be impossible to bring back those jobs and ineffective to try. According to sources close to the North Pole, Trump’s questionable … Continue reading

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White problems fighting hard against “Problem of Whiteness” course

UW Madison is offering a course this upcoming semester called “The Problem of Whiteness,” which has been met with substantial resistance from the state legislature of Wisconsin. There is a threat from the legislature that offering the course will lead to a funding cut for the University of Wisconsin, and there are demands that the course is … Continue reading

Obama awards DeGeneres Medal of Freedom, Pence snatches it in his talons
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Obama awards DeGeneres Medal of Freedom, Pence snatches it in his talons

Vice president-elect Mike Pence has been very open about being anti-LGBT since being chosen as Trump’s running mate in mid-July. Many thought he was just another harmless homophobic conservative. However, due to recent acts against prominent members of the LGBT community, people are beginning to take him seriously. The most recent example of this behavior … Continue reading

Desire2Learn changed to more hip Down2Learn
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Desire2Learn changed to more hip Down2Learn

This week, University of Wisconsin made an edgy attempt to better connect with students by changing the name of the most popular Learn@UW page. After speaking with  several students and discussing the implications of this powerful decision, the administration decided to change the name of “Desire2Learn” to the more hip and relatable “Down2Learn.” “It was … Continue reading

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UW Student,drinker shocked to receive BC on “Alcohol and Other Substance Use Disorders” exam

Following a gruesome week of studying for two exams and one quiz, University of Wisconsin junior Matthew Murphy was stunned after checking Learn@UW and finding he scored a BC on his Social Work 453 “Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse” class. “I originally took the class because I already am quite versed in disorderly drinking,” Murphy said. … Continue reading

Last remaining lights on at Van Hise shining in night sky like distant beacons of misery
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Last remaining lights on at Van Hise shining in night sky like distant beacons of misery

Students walking to and from parties and other social engagements Saturday evening saw several sad lights on in the upper floors of Van Hise, according to eyewitness accounts. Somewhere between three and five windows remained lighted on the upper floors of the looming building at 11:45 p.m., prompting witnesses to ruminate on what poor, hapless souls … Continue reading