Grainger Hall Mocks Humanities for Not Filing Taxes, Being Deadbeat
News

Grainger Hall Mocks Humanities for Not Filing Taxes, Being Deadbeat

Grainger Hall loudly and openly mocked “the pansy-ass, hippie-dick, commie” Mosse Humanities Building Monday. “That lazy-ass bastard didn’t even make enough money to file taxes this year, proving yet again that it brings nothing to this community and ought to be brought out behind old-man Memorial Union and drowned,” Grainger said in the early hours of … Continue reading

Study Finds Animals Enjoy Being Tested On
News

Study Finds Animals Enjoy Being Tested On

In a study published by the University of Wisconsin Animal Care and Use Committee, researchers found that the majority of the more than 2,000 non-human primates favorably responded to the statement, “I enjoy being tested for the betterment of humanity.” Respondents were selected from the dozens of research efforts undertaken by UW researchers, including the psychology … Continue reading

Mass Kidnappings Across Campus Still Have No Answer
News

Mass Kidnappings Across Campus Still Have No Answer

Last week, the remains of the UW-Madison campus was besieged by terror and uncertainty by the unexplained disappearance of nearly the entire student body. “It was really scary,” Sophomore Daniel Jones told investigators. “I mean, last Friday I went pretty hard and blacked out pretty early, but all my friends were still around. Then, when I finally got … Continue reading