White problems fighting hard against “Problem of Whiteness” course

UW Madison is offering a course this upcoming semester called “The Problem of Whiteness,” which has been met with substantial resistance from the state legislature of Wisconsin. There is a threat from the legislature that offering the course will lead to a funding cut for the University of Wisconsin, and there are demands that the course is dropped. Two such demanders are white State Senator Steve Nass and representative Dave Murphy.

“I don’t think whiteness is a problem,” Nass said. “Congress is 87% white and senate is 96% white, and they were elected by Americans all over the country. White people are just good at rising to positions of power. That can’t be a coincidence! Therefore, whites are the ones with the power to solve problems, and doesn’t that make whiteness the solution?”

“Think of it like this,” Murphy said. “If I see a bully beating up a kid, I won’t give money to that bully. In this case, the bully isn’t a bully it’s just any stance I disagree with. Also the kid isn’t a kid it’s my idea that whiteness hasn’t helped me at all in life. Oh, and the isn’t my money it’s the money of Wisconsin taxpayers. If I wouldn’t pay a bully to beat up a kid, why would I let other people pay for a college course to beat up my sense of self worth?”

The course has not yet be cancelled, and the UW has even publicly defended the course.

“Come on, man,” university officials said. “It’s a liberal college and Trump’s been doing some crazy shit, is it that big of a deal if we just… y’know come on, man.”

Along with criticisms of the course content, there have been calls to drop the professor of the course, multiracial Damon Sajnani.
“If I’m removed campus, it will only prove the necessity of this course,” said Sajnani. “UW Madison is a public institution and it has given instructors the freedom to design courses how they please, especially on topics they consider important. Funding for a university isn’t something to give out and take away when it conflicts with your personal beliefs. I’m sorry we didn’t try offering a class on how cool Reagan was.”