Conway steers into skid with new campaign slogan: ‘Grab America By the People’

In the aftermath of the reveal of Trump’s 2005 comments about sexual assault, many conservatives have pulled their support for the Republican nominee. Many, however, have stuck by his side, including Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, who came up with an interesting spin on Trump’s comments.

“As usual, mainstream media has completely distorted the true meaning behind Donald’s words,” Conway said. “Yes, he did say ‘grab them by the pussy,’ but what he meant was a very strong message about the American people. What he’s saying is he wants to grab America by its most important part: its people. Donald sure does love poetic metaphors.”

As with most of Trump and Conway’s statements, many people were offended for understandable reasons.

“She just implied that the vagina is the most important part of a woman’s body. No mention of heart or brain or strong arms, whatsoever,” Michelle Obama said.

“This is just another way for the GOP to make Trump look like a god,” Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Tim Kaine said. “And I love it! Why can’t we come up with anything cool like that at the DNC? The most creative thing I came up with for Hillary this year was ‘She’s a woman. Let’s party!’ She’s still considering it.”

Despite the opposition, many conservatives, politicians and citizens alike, actually have begun giving Trump even more support.

“Sounds like a solid explanation to me. Go Trump!” Governor Chris Christie said.

“If anything, this recent development has reaffirmed my belief in future President Trump,” Trump supporter Byant McDougall said. “I truly believe in this philosophy he’s talking about, and that it will help improve the lives of many hard-working Americans. …Wait, what? New slogan? I’m talking about the shit he said in 2005.”

Liberals and conservatives have begun arguing back and forth, and there doesn’t appear to be a dominant party in the discussion. A big victory for the conservatives occurred when Bill Clinton came out in support of this new slogan.

“Damn!” Clinton said. “If I would’ve known you could just change words around to get out of bad behavior, I would have done it years ago. Let me try it. I did not have bedtime cuddles with the American people. Did it work?”


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