UW to be replaced with high-rise apartment buildings

A recent announcement from the Office of Madison Mayor Paul Slogin revealed plans to demolish University of Wisconsin and replace it with a high-rise apartment complex.

The facility will be marketed toward new employees at EPIC, as well as people who have recently graduated. In order to make room for the new building, city council heard an outstanding proposal to demolish the university. Mayor Sogin approved the permits for a new building to be built in place of the university Tuesday.

Governor Walker endorsed this proposal citing the lack of condominiums downtown, and the generally liberal disposition of the student body. He even offered to start the demolition, reaching for the sledgehammer he keeps under his desk marked “For UW Madison.”

“I only thought to cut the budget,” Walker said. “But this is kinda of what I’ve been aiming for all along.”

While many families of future students are dismayed at the new plans, they haven’t yet heard the amenities that will exist in the new high-rise apartment buildings.

Samuel Heihrise, a representative from the project, defended the construction of the new apartment complex.

highrises

“Jacuzzis in every room, a home gym on every floor, and tight security for protection from the droves of young people now recently unmoored from the promises made by a previous generation,” he said. “What more could anyone want?”

Heirise also alluded to additional aspirations he has for downtown Madison.

“One day, this is going to be a hot tub,” Heihrise said, motioning to a group of students studying.

 

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