Starbucks’ new Chestnut Praline latte steals PSL thunder

Confusion and anger blossomed on State Street Wednesday afternoon when Starbucks announced to basic white girls, your mom and the world at large, that they would be introducing a new drink to their repertoire of Holiday inspired beverages to challenge the big spoon position of the Pumpkin Spice Latte: the Chestnut Praline Latte.

While some Starbucks connoisseurs are welcoming the idea of a new up-and-coming, overpriced coffee product, others are concerned about the survival of the original Starbucks holiday drink: the PSL.

“To be perfectly honest, the idea of some new drink trying to oust my P-Spice has me more uncomfortable than a squirmy virgin losing it in a hammock,” sophomore Molly Jennison said.

Maybe it's praline?
Maybe it’s may praline?

“I’m just feeling a little rushed. It took us a full two months to come up with the hashtag #PSpice4Lyfe, and this latte just doesn’t rhyme with 4Lyfe,” sophomore Dakota Lenz said.

Alternatively, other students struggle to grasp the concept of the of new drink.

“What even is a pray-line?,” one Shawn Olsen tweeted. Much favoriting of this tweet ensued from his fellow underclassmen; the tweet in question was even retweeted later by none other than Jaden Smith.


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